The Procedure

S and D always try to follow the rules, even if we have to invent them ourselves. Here are the various patterns and procedures that have evolved around the Weekly Festivities:

Prelude

Sometime on Wednesday afternoon, an email exchange occurs. This begins the Festivities.

Phase 1

At precisely 6pm MDT, we head for the hills to gain some altitude. This is the "hump" of Humpday:

• On the way up, we complain about work.
• At the summit, D announces the DOW, and we head back downhill.
• En descente, we discuss vacations, gear, retirement, and the venue for Phase 2.

Reaching the trailhead concludes Phase 1.

Phase 1, Winter Edition

During “daylight spending time,” we conduct a nominal Phase 1, with duration == zero.

Phase 1, Cultural Edition

At the recommendation of C, we occasionally attmempt to broaden our horizons via a poetry reading, astronomy lecture, concert, film, etc. During these events, we endeavour to elevate our pinky fingers whilst drinking chai, utter words like "whilst" and "colour," and use handkerchiefs instead of kleenex.

Phase 2

We initiate Phase 2 by performing The Great Hand-Wash. Then we eat.

Historical Addendum: In times of yore, S and D referred to this part of the night as "foraging," "the evening's festivities," or "dinner." Later, the term "Festivities" came to encompass the entire suite of Phases, not just Phase 2; meanwhile, the terms "foraging" and "dinner" still apply.

Phase 3

After dinner, we trek to the nearest bookstore/coffeeshop for Phase 3. This is the meta/zen/recursive phase, and as such, it includes three sub-phases:

Bookstore

In the bookstore sub-phase, we search for misclassified non-fiction, tomes, and "fix" them. For example, one might encounter a so-called "memoire" about telepathic aliens sending messages to Earth, which has been inexplicably classified as non-fiction. One might ascertain that such a book is more accurately characterized as fiction. If so, our civic and literary responsibility requires us to re-shelve it.

Historical Addendum: Some books contain tiny magnetized micro-bookmarks that trigger a security alarm when the book crosses a sensor at the door. This interrupts our flow. To preempt this interruption, we find these strips and deal with them.

Fall/Winter Addendum: When next year's calendars arrive at the bookstore, we peruse their covers and scowl dishearteningly.

Coffee

The crux of Phase 3: acquiring coffee.

Questions of the Night

Whilst drinking coffee, we try to remember the various Questions that have arisen during the conversations of Phases 1 and 2. We delegate each such Question to a random Participant, who then researches and expounds upon the Answer.

Coda

The evening’s Festivities have come to an end. As we say our goodbyes, someone inevitably proclaims, "another successful BNO." This concludes the weekly festivities. ∎

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